Interviews with the community Pt.1
We asked three people in the aromantic spectrum about their thoughts on media.
Sharing our own thoughts it’s one thing, but what about the rest of the community? We wanted to know how different people felt about these issues, what their thoughts were on the matter, and what expectations they had for the future. When the world is saturated with romance, what are people in our community wishing to see?
That’s why we decided to go for some interviews, to ask people directly about it. Our first participant is Matías, a 33 year old aroace person who told us about his thoughts in such a direct and engaging way, it was easy to feel understood. He had really interesting insights, and quite a few jokes, so hopefully you find it engaging too.
Ei: Hello! Thank you very much for participating! We want this to go as a conversation, but we do have set questions and will probably ask you more through the interview. So, first question, as an arospec person, how satisfied do you feel with the current media landscape?
Not really satisfied. It feels like no matter where I look there’s an over emphasis on romance/sex I don’t really appreciate and I don’t see why. I get it’s part of the human experience I guess, but there’s far more aspects of the human experience I rather watch/read/listen about, far more interesting things, and far more complex relationships and dynamics.
E: Our next question kinda leads to that, specially considering what you said about wanting more aspects of the human experiences; do you think the way current media gives focus to the idea of romance could be limiting storytelling and character arcs?
Yes, of course it does, to develop a truly well written and credible relationship you need to spend a lot of time on it, the majority of the time that’s not the case, so we end up with a bunch of poorly written romances, half cooked, with little to no flavor, no one likes it (that’s me, me is no one) because there seems to be a need to just give them a partner, right now, so the character is complete.
First of all, I hate the idea that someone needs a partner to be complete. Second of all, if having a partner is so crucial for the developement of this character I would think you would want to spend more time developing that story line. But third of all, and most importantly, romance is but a tiny aspect of the human experience, and it’s important for some sure, but there’s so much more, and giving so much space to this single aspect gives us waaaaay less space for other things. I want to know a character’s morals, and the whys, I want to know their trauma, their beliefs. That’s way more telling than a crush. Why is the crush so important? It isn’t giving me anything new.
Like, there are well written romances, and sometimes it does add to the better understanding of a story or a character, but it needs to be intentional and well written. the majority of the time it’s not, it takes precious minutes of my life for nothing.
E: There’s a lack of exploration of the characters themselves for sure, it’s like you can rarely see that, and then the story truly gets built on nothing but a wish.
Runrun: A wish made out of stupid expectations and standards that I can’t relate to.
There’s also the romantization of the idea of romance itself. I very rarely see people in real life with romances like the ones on media. I’m not saying it doesn’t exist, I guess it does, but it makes it seem like it’s the norm. And it’s just not, it creates fake expectations of what a romance should look or feel like. But who am I to talk, I don’t experience romance at all lmao.
E: To an extent, it’s just like action movies and some guys thinking they could land a plane if needed kinda thing.
Omg true, do allo people know the difference between real romance expectations and fictional romance expectations? Because I surely don’t. I was lied to by the media. I feel betrayed.
E: Completely understandable. Now, considering the focus on the characters and the lack of depth we talked about, what are some relationships in media that frustrated you and why?
That’s a great question and I’m not sure I have a good answer. I consume a LOT of media, and there are MANY relationships that frustrate me, but I just forget about them. I see them, get mad, rant, and go on to the next piece of media. A specific thing that makes me mad is when in straight relationships the female character just lets the male character do whatever they want even if it hurts her and then he just says “sorry uwu” and she just forgives and forgets and they live happily ever after. Ma’am, imma need you to slap that guy.
I try not to read too much into romantic relationships in general, because the topic bores me or makes me mad, but that specific trope makes me want to bite someone’s head.
E: For sure, like it’s okay to do all that in the name of love? And when it happens to strong willed characters it’s so confusing, like, what?
R: I especially don’t like it when it’s a girl who knows better before that entire thing happened, but suddenly acts really... dumb.
YES. THAT GIRL WAS SO STRONG AND POWERFUL. And then a man entered her life and she became an abnegated trad wife, which, if you’re that kind of girl it’s cool, to each their own. I just don’t like the implication that a man can change a woman like that, it’s very “you just need to find the right man” coded.
The right man would love her power, just saying.
R: I don’t like how romantic love is portrayed like the solution for everything. That everything is okay once it comes knocking on your door when your building is on fire.
YES the idea that your life is falling apart but HEY you found love, everything’s good now. For sure a partner can help you and make your life better, but your life is still falling apart, you just have support now. And you can have the same support from family and friends, why would a person who barely knows me be able to help me better than people who know me better than myself?
E: True, this is something that has always bothered me. Now, leaving the frustrations behind, what’s something you would like to see more on media?
I would like to see more platonic relationships. But real, intentional platonic relationships. Not queerbait. Not “We wanted to make them gay but they wouldn’t let us so we made them very very good friends instead” (we know, it shows). It’s just frustrating for me that every character that’s not apparently interested in romance or sex is labeled by the public as secretly gay until further notice. I have really deep intense friendships that make my life better. I want to see that on media, I want that kind of relationship to gain the acknowledgment it deserves, no sexual tension, no romantic tension. Just two pals who care a lot for each other, have each other’s backs, and go through life together through thick and thin.
That kind of relationship not only helps build strong emotional bonds on the story, it also leaves space for other kinds of developments because WE DON’T WASTE TIME CONFESSING, KISSING, AND DOING THE FORBIDDEN CONGA.
E: And beyond friendships, how do you think aro representation could revolutionise media?
A couple of years ago the a television channel on Chile made an interview to some members on the acearo community, the interviewer asked a girl to explain the different sub-labels and their flags. After the girl finished the interviewer said, quite ironically, “So the time you don’t spend having sex, you spend it making flags”. It felt horribly wrong and humiliating, but it also made me think “how much time do people spend thinking about romance and sex for this to be a real thing we’re told?”
A character that’s not interested in romance or sex is noticeable, you can see it on Luffy for example, Luffy’s non attraction is a point of conversation but the way I see it, he has far more important things to think about. He’s driven, he has a dream and all the time spent is spent fighting for his dream, and it’s even more evident when you compare it with characters that do show attraction. An aromantic character, intentionally or unintentionally, shows a focus and a drive other types of characters simply don’t show.
You can see it as “this guy is so driven by his passion he doesn’t see anything else” or you can see it as “this guy doesn’t think about sex so he makes a lot of flags on his free time”.
E: First, that was so rude of the interviewer.
When I tell you that’s a thing we where told a lot. Like, that one was specially rude because it was on national television, but it was definitely not a first.
E: But also, teaching people about passions unrelated to romance IS indeed a great point, since usually that’s a thing mostly seen in specific types of media. And not a very common trope that stays the same way for a while, since it’s always them finding the one that makes the change, which makes Luffy specially great, as he doesn’t change but still has incredibly high empathy.
That’s a reason I’m really drawn towards shounen as a genre, it has little to no romance (except on the final chapters but we don’t talk about that) and it explores friendship, characters overcoming obstacles, world saving, that’s an interesting read.
Finding the one? Not so much.
*R: That’s a real problem that I also find. I would look at stories related to hobbies for example, and there isn’t much. Sometimes when we do get them, there is a romantic or sexual subplot that feels like it isn’t just a small part of the story? And sometimes it even feels like the audience lost the point of it, which I can sort of understand if you just wanna vibe the way you want, but I feel like there’s like a certain point when that reflects the way people see the world. The world can offer so much but people want to stay or unintentionally keep themselves in boxes and I feel like that’s so sad because it leads us to this real and important question of are you living your best life?*
E: There’s a lot that gets lost in media because of romance taking its space after all.
Why does everything become about romance I swear to god. I get that you want to have emotional bonds to show some side of the character. IT DOESN’T NEED TO BE ROMANTIC.
In today’s society romance is overly overrated, it doesn’t matter how good your script/book/thing is, if you put a glimpse of romance there SURPRISE, THIS IS A ROMANCE NOW. Because that’s what the public sees, “oh, she likes him? this is a love story I don’t make the rules.”
Romance became such a big part of our lives, or society’s expectations of what life should be. I just want a romance free space.
We are led to see romance as this huge thing that WILL happen to you and when it does it WILL change your life for ever, it will define you as a person, and that’s not healthy. I’m a complete person on my own, I don’t need someone to complete me. And giving every character an “other half” only reinforces this idea.
R: That truly says so much about what they think of aromantic people. We’re a bunch of incomplete and miserable people.
Oh it does. I’m 33 and I still hear the “you just have to meet the one.” Ma’am, I already met the one, his name is Naruto Uzumaki and he’s happily married what do I do now.
E: Thank you very much for participating, that’s all for the interview, but is there anything else you’d like to say?
I’m not against romance in media. It can be entertaining, and romance is clearly a crucial part of many many people around the world, it’s something that’s bound to be displayed. But there are other aspects of life, other kinds of experiences and ways of relating to one another, to the world. There are different lenses, and it’s time we get to see those on media too. Seeing different perspectives won’t diminish romance, it can only widen the perspective in which we look at it.
How can we know how unique our experience with something is if we don’t try to see it with someone else’s eyes? People take love for granted and they idolize it at the same time. Love is a beautiful thing, but the love we are fed on media is limited.
R: It was truly a pleasure! Thank you so much for participating. I also learned a lot from your words. Happy ASAW!!!
It was a pleasure to rant with you, thank you for inviting me! Happy ASAW!