Interviews with the community Pt.3
We asked three people in the aromantic spectrum about their thoughts on media.
What is a character without depth? What is a story without its characters? As the world moves in a faster pace, so does the media around us. Short, limited series have become a norm, and the long format that allows for more exploration thanks to its length slowly has been disappearing.
Our last interview was a true delight, as focusing on the depth, characteristics and personalities of characters is a joy we share with Miles, our last interviewee, who gave us quite exciting insights and hopes for the future of media.
Ei: Hello! Thank you so much for finding the time to work with us! Before starting, we have a set of specific questions regarding romance in media, but we want this to be like a fun conversation, so we’ll most probably reply to your comments and ask more about what you think.
Our first question is to get a general idea of your thoughts on the topic, so as an arospec person, how satisfied do you feel with the current media landscape?
Haha, so it’s kind of an interesting question to me to begin with because honestly, I do not stay plugged into current media. I think for a number of reasons, I’ve grown really used to feeling that most things are not going to appeal to my sensibilities, so I more often get pulled to a few specific things that hold my interest for a long time rather than flitting from one thing to the next. I guess in that sense I would say that I find the current media landscape dissatisfying and often turn away from it.
E: I get what you mean, it’s like there’s not really much to choose from even when there’s so much getting put out on the regular.
Yeah, that’s exactly it. There’s lots and lots of stuff I could watch or play, but a lot of the time it feels like the priorities of the creators just don’t align with what I find really captivating in media.
Runrun: I understand the feeling. It’s hard. Has that ever made you feel out of place? And any other negative feelings?
Oh god, it is so damn awkward, to be honest. When people want to talk to you about media and you’re like... Yeah, so I usually don’t play or watch anything that’s less than a decade old. I do feel negatively about that disconnect often, and that loneliness is actually a big motivation for a lot of my creativity, I think. I write things that feel important to me, especially within fandoms, because I want to at least speak to myself if I can’t always have the conversations I want with others.
E: That last line really does hit hard. Considering what you said about your creativity and writing, do you think the way current media gives focus to the idea of romance could be limiting storytelling and character arcs?
I mean, it’s funny. I think even allo people can get fed up sometimes, feeling like a romance arc is dragging on with no real movement for the characters just for the sake of it. And it also chafes a lot too when people talk about how much a show “sucks” when it’s not leading to the kind of romance they expect. But I think this is not just due to allonormativity and amatonormativity, but also due to the way that media often does reinforce those expectations. You’re supposed to expect that two close characters, especially a man and a woman, should be interested in each other that way. And treating relationships as just a box to be ticked off flattens media in such frustrating ways.
Oh, one more thought, even as someone who “loves romance,” right, I wish they would just let characters relate to other characters, as themselves, naturally, because that is way more satisfying either way than pushing this idea that “romance” has to “happen” and be an “event” just for the sake of having it in a piece of media.
E: I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN. I am a romance enjoyer, but it feels like the characters are unidimensional and it’s hard to see them as these complex beings that try to imitate humans.
LITERALLY. For example, I cannot sympathize with people who complained that “romance wasn’t explicit enough” in Yuri on Ice because I honestly do not care. The characters felt authentic and genuinely close to one another and that is what compels me, regardless of whatever the hell they label it as or don’t label it as.
E: I get you, the story wasn’t written like your regular romance, but it felt quite natural in the way they created their bond and got help from others to figure out themselves too.
Talking about relationships, what are some relationships in media that frustrated you and why?
Hahaha okay. So this is a show I like, but there was one romance plotline that confused the hell out of me and just felt forced. It’s Farscape, basically there is a character who is a widower and a loyal warrior type guy, and he gets involved with another character who has serious attachment issues and doesn’t like the idea of being forced to fit in with anyone or be controlled. And you know, in my eyes, it’d be one thing for there to just be something casual, but I guess... You’re supposed to buy that he “falls in love” hard and decides he wants to marry this woman and start a farm with her and stuff. And there’s ensuing interpersonal drama as she freaks out and makes bad choices to shake him off in response.
I watched all of this happening and I’m just like... It feels like you made this out of whole cloth just for drama. I don’t mind messy relationships, but I don’t actually believe in this as natural extensions of their characters. I felt frustrated and just wanted it to be over with and I was relieved when they weren’t together anymore because it kind of felt like being betrayed as a viewer to watch these characters I liked behave unlike themselves in ways that felt very difficult to justify. There are other much worse examples of relationships but I forget about anything I truly don’t care about at all.
E: The part about feeling betrayed as a viewer, that’s so relatable. I totally feel like that with so many series, even though I’ve somewhat given up right when I begin a new series.
R: I definitely can relate a lot. That also makes it hard for me to check out new media because I’m afraid of getting hurt. It’s hard when you find something you really like when you already struggle finding things you like, just for it to change so soon.
And it makes me even more upset from an autism standpoint as well as an arospec standpoint. If something betrays me hard enough with stupid senseless romance plots, then I have to change my routine and drop a hyperfixation. It can be so cruel.
R: We’ve talked about the frustrations that comes with engaging with media especially as an arospec person, let’s talk about the opposite now: what’s something you would like to see more in media?
I’m laughing right now because honestly the best way I can explain it is to point at Ace Attorney. Or The World Ends with You, both really. The kind of things that captivate me so much are the ones that barely speak of romance, that don’t concern themselves with trying to define characters’ relationships so much, that just put them in situations where they need to compete and cooperate and show you what kind of people they are. In particular, what is so compelling is how MUCH effort is put into making the characters really look, act, and talk like distinct people with unique and often very quirky personalities haha. I like works of art that are made up of a tapestry of colorful people in situations that force them to show all those colors.
E: I totally get you! It makes you feel like you’re seeing so many interesting parts of a same character! A multidimensional treat. In a way, you could say that it’d be nice to have characters have more interactions not only with other characters but also with the circumstances that surround them, right? I feel that would be a great way to get to know them more, and maybe even explore humanity through them too.
Yeah! Like honestly, I really appreciate it when media takes some time to just slow down a little and really zoom in on how the characters are reacting to their situations.
A lot of times, especially more and more with TV, it feels like things either get compressed so that the plot just keeps happening-happening-happening, or the opposite where it’s not much happening but what they talk about IS just like, romance. That whole concept of it. And missing the opportunity to explore deeper emotions and motivations. I’m such a huge sucker for characters discussing their whole philosophies on life with each other haha. Especially as a vehicle for watching how their growth as people progresses, indirectly, through the beliefs they espouse. Like Joshua discussing what people are like with Neku, and watching as he changes his mind about them, starts to believe more in them. THAT’S the kind of stuff that makes me SO happy when I see it.
E: I 100% RELATE.
R: Last question! How do you think aromantic representation could revolutionize media?
Ohhhh man. What a great question. Aromantic representation could be so good in so many ways, and I love the idea of the exploration of an aro person’s inner world, of course. But I really, REALLY love the idea of seeing aro people challenge allo people’s view of the world in media. A conflict of ideals, a clash that forces people to confront things they’ve never had to confront and dig deeper down to understand themselves rather than taking what they’ve always fallen back on as a default. I think there could be such a power in not only seeing aro people in media, but seeing them defiant - not just someone picked on and forced to defend themselves against others, but people who can stand up proudly and unabashedly throw every inch of themselves into the situations of their stories too. And, really, I think the way aro representation could revolutionize media is the same way it can revolutionize lives - by dismantling assumptions and pushing people to each find their own unique way of seeing the world.
E: That was honestly touching.
R: You’re gonna make me cry.
E: There’s a lot we people need to unlearn just because of being alive in society, having representation work as a catalyst of change and better understanding of the self is just amazing.
Learning that I was aro has been such a powerful and enriching experience, just as important to me as finding that I’m transgender honestly. We have such a valuable perspective to offer the world if people will be willing to look.
E: Personally I feel like being different is an express lane to realising that there’s so much we’re asked to conform to.
R: Definitely. That’s why it’s important to be yourself.
The ghost of aromanticism present LOL.
E: That was all from us, but if you have any other thought you may wanna add, feel free to tell us!
Ahhhh I just feel really relieved now, having said all of that. I honestly kind of shocked myself with everything that came out of my mouth but I just have so much passion for the topic.
E: Great! Then this would be the end of the interview, honestly thank you very much for participating with us.
R: I’m so glad you’ve had such a positive experience with this interview! Thank you so much for participating!